Ghosts
by shannyfish
Summary: Oliver experiences a past Christmas, time right before "The Climb", present Christmas(time), and a future one...trying to think about what's really worth living.


_**Author's Note:** Takes place after "The Climb"._

* * *

_"Ever since I met you, no one else has been worth thinking about."_

* * *

**Christmas 2005**

"Seriously, Man! I can't believe that you're here!"

Oliver smiled, but couldn't remember who the guy was. He was the only one that was wearing one of those 'Hello. My name is' name tags, which he thought was weird…apparently his name was Nick, though. So far, Nick seemed like a good guy, mainly because he seemed to be the host of the badass party that he was currently walking into. The place was amazing. There was a DJ, the lighting was good, it looked like a full bar was along one wall, snacks, and scantily clad girls as far as the eye could see and he was fairly sure that they were all already drunk.

He was late.

This was definitely perfect timing.

He was Oliver Queen.

He could have any woman he wanted in that place.

Laurel.

Oliver shook the thought of her out of his head.

Laurel Lance was his long term girlfriend from high school, on and off again. They'd known each other all of their lives. It wasn't like there hadn't been other women. There had. Oliver had dated women. Well, dated wasn't actually the right word. Laurel really had been the one steady girl in his life and in his arsenal of women. Every other woman was just a fling…a one night stand…just a tally in his long list of women that he'd slept with. None of them were ever long lasting relationships, he really couldn't even consider Laurel really among them because he wasn't exactly serious about it.

"Can I get you a drink?" Nick asked.

Oliver nodded and then gave Nick his drink order. He patted Nick's shoulder. "I'm going to see if I know anyone here," Oliver told him. What he really meant was that he needed to go and see if there were any girls that caught his interest. Of course, right now…there were a lot of girls that were already catching his attention.

He could have any of them.

He was Oliver Queen.

Oliver knew that he didn't even need to choose.

It was a bit ridiculous at how easy it was for him to get women to remove their clothes and have sex with him. He only had to look in their direction, he didn't even have to remember their name five minutes later. He was a prince in this world and he knew how to flaunt his power.

He moved towards one girl in particular. She had long dark hair, bright green eyes, and a neon pink dress that barely kept her breasts contained, it was obvious that there was no bra under the thin material, let alone seemed long enough to cover the rest of her.

"Hi," he greeted.

She grinned back at him, her bright white teeth showing, as she twirled a few strands of hair. "Hi, yourself."

"I'm Oliver Queen."

"Oh, everyone here knows exactly who you are."

And he knew that.

It was something that Oliver took advantage of on pretty much a minute by minute basis. Tonight was not unlike any other night. He spent the whole night with his hand up various girls' skirts, unzipping zippers, or taking a breather by having a quick drink. So far the night was going perfectly. No one had asked for his number and no one had expected some kind of further commitment. It was all just meaningless sex, which was actually what Oliver excelled at. Connections with no relationships. He was heading to a back bedroom when he was suddenly stopped.

"Hey Oliver! I think your phone's the one that's been ringing off the hook back at the bar!" Nick told him.

"I'm sure it's fine," Oliver told him with a dismissing wave of his hand.

Nick held up the phone. "Her name's Laurel."

"It's my cousin," Oliver lied. Everyone knew that his sister was Thea, so that was definitely not a good lie to tell. Plus, it wasn't likely that anyone would know his cousins, it also still left him available to do what he wanted at that party. So far, it had all been worth it.

"You sure you don't want to take it?"

"Positive."

Turning around, Oliver headed back towards the bedrooms with the girl he currently had his arm around. This was definitely better than spending the night with Laurel fussing about looking good enough as they spent their evening at one of his parents' charity events. He'd lied to them and told them that Laurel wasn't available and then had lied to them telling them that he had a big paper to write that was worth half of his grade. All those lies had brought him to that place and he still felt like it was all well worth it.

* * *

**Christmas 2014**

He was cold.

His chest screamed out in pain.

His limbs were heavy.

It was dark.

The last thing he remembered as he lay wherever he was, was something that seemed like it had to be some kind of nightmare. It couldn't be, though. Oliver remembered being on that mountain top that was supposed to be a neutral location. He remembered taking off his jacket and his shirt. He remembered choosing his weapon. He remembered facing Ra's al Ghul.

He'd lost.

Oliver Queen had lost to Ra's al Ghul.

He'd done it for Thea.

He'd done it to keep those he loved safe.

Felicity.

She was safe.

They all were.

His 'death' should have seen to that.

Did Ra's know he was alive?

Where was he?

WAS he alive?

Oliver vividly remembered Ra's disarming him. It had seemed so easy for Ra's. Oliver had been fighting for his life, but mostly for the lives that could perish if he hadn't presented himself. He had wanted to return back to Starling City, to Thea, and to Felicity… Oliver remembered the blade slicing his left side and then entering his body via his upper abdomen on the right. The blade had been removed from his body, stained in his blood. He'd seen the people that he loved most in that world flash before his eyes right before Ra's had pushed him off of that snowy mountain top.

As he stared upward, he wondered if he was at the bottom of that mountain. Was he somehow just barely clinging to life? It was dark, but there were no stars. There should be stars, Oliver thought, as he continued to stare up into the dark.

Maybe he was dead.

He had to be dead.

I'm so sorry, Speedy.

I'm so sorry, Felicity.

I was supposed to come home.

I was supposed to protect you.

I was supposed to protect the city.

I did my best.

It wasn't good enough.

I have failed you.

* * *

**Foundry 2014**  
**(Takes place before right before "The Climb")**

"How's living with Thea?"

"Nice," Oliver replied and took a moment to really think about it. Living with his sister again really wasn't something that he felt he'd fully processed yet. "Kind of weird…"

Felicity nodded. "At least you're not sleeping here…so…that's good," she told him slowly with a smile. "You're getting more…sunlight…which I hear is important…"

He loved her smile.

Oliver grinned. "You make it sound like I was holing myself up down here…"

"Well," Felicity said with a tilt of her head. "Going out solely at night just seems creepy…or makes you a vampire…or you know, pasty…" She shook her head disapprovingly. "I really can't have you pasty… You need sunlight. It's for your own good." Her eyes popped wide and she stared at him for a long moment as if thinking about what she'd just said.

He loved her rambling.

Felicity rambled a lot.

It was adorable.

Somewhere along the way, Oliver had slowly fallen in love with her. There was just something about Felicity that he couldn't get enough of. It was like he kept finding reasons to fall in love with her. As of lately, though, Oliver felt like he'd completely fallen in love with her. Ever since they'd left Lian Yu, it was like he was free…up until the date.

Maybe Diggle was right, though. Without Felicity, he wouldn't be happy. He was like normal people, wasn't he? Didn't he deserve happiness? He'd watched her over the past couple of months and…he knew that her working at Palmer Technologies made her happy. All he kept thinking was how happy Felicity had looked at dinner on their date, even though they were both so nervous. It wasn't just Felicity who had been happy, he'd been over the moon.

"You're staring…" Felicity whispered. "And not saying anything."

He reached out and touched her shoulder lightly. "You stare at me all the time, Felicity," he reminded as he walked past her and towards the salmon ladder. Oliver looked up at it, trying to keep from staring at her.

"That's different," he heard her say.

It was different.

Felicity had been staring at him for some time.

Years.

It hadn't hit him about how he really truly deep down felt about her until sacrificing her to Slade and believing in her like she believed in him. Diggle had seemed to have known all along. It was a little annoying. Oliver had thought a lot about it, though. He'd seen her with Barry and Ray. Both of them, he knew deep down inside, were good choices…but Oliver had longed for her the whole time. In his whole life, it was the only time he'd been truly jealous and scared about how his life might be without the person that might just be his soulmate.

"Isn't it?" Felicity asked after a moment.

No.

Oliver just smiled.

He loved Felicity Smoak.

"What's going on?" Roy asked.

Oliver turned around to find not only Roy standing behind Felicity, but another man. He seemed familiar and about the same age as Roy, but Oliver felt like he belonged…but then he was out of place. He opened his mouth, ready to question him. Oliver for some reason didn't feel like he could place the other man's name.

"Nick!" Felicity greeted with a bright smile.

"I hope we're not interrupting," Nick said as he looked between Felicity and Oliver. "Because Roy and I could go back up the stairs and hang out in Verdant for a while…"

Roy nodded quickly in agreement.

"Uh… What time is it?" Oliver asked.

Roy looked at Oliver oddly. "I think we've definitely interrupted. We're going to go… We'll be back once Digg says it's all safe."

Oliver just stared at the two young men as they retreated back towards the stairs and then looked towards Felicity. "What just happened?"

Now Felicity seemed concerned as she looked at him. She got up from her chair and closed the distance between them. She reached out and brushed the back of her hand to his forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"

"I—"

"Oliver?"

He pushed forward a smile. "I was just enjoying our chat was all…" Oliver paused. "I guess I wasn't ready to share you just yet."

Felicity smiled and then blushed. She looked down a moment later as she dropped her hand. She moved back to her computer chair and turned away from him.

Awkward.

This was how it always ended.

Ever since she'd begged him to tell her that he didn't love her…that all of it meant nothing…and he couldn't. Oliver didn't want to lie to her. Not to Felicity. The kiss they'd shared in that hospital hallway was something that he thought about every day. Ever since then, it had been awkward. It wasn't ALWAYS awkward, but when he made a comment about her and they were too close, he could see how she'd physically pull away from him.

He hated it.

He wanted to be close to her.

No matter.

Oliver still loved Felicity.

* * *

**Christmas 2028**

"I want to open the first present!" Madelyn shouted as soon as Oliver and Felicity entered the room.

He couldn't contain his smile. It seemed like ever since he and Felicity were married, he hadn't been able to stop smiling. She made him so happy and the kids (at least most days) made him even happier. Oliver had his arm around Felicity, all of them dressed still in Christmas pajamas, as they made way to their couch. The interior of their home was decorated for both Hanukkah (even though it was over) and Christmas. The holidays hadn't been such a big deal until they had the kids. Then, it just seemed like something necessary… They both wanted the kids to have these moments where their family being together was made into such a big deal.

"You ALWAYS get to open the first one!" Tommy complained as he grabbed a gift and shook it.

Oliver rolled his eyes. They'd established rules when Madelyn was younger about taking turns opening presents instead of just tearing through it all in five minutes. There was a knock at the door and he looked to Felicity. It was too early to be expecting someone. "I'll get it," he told her and then leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. "You make sure there's no peeking."

Felicity grinned. "I'm fairly sure you tell me that I'm the worst at enforcing that rule…"

"Try," he told her. Oliver turned away from the brightly decorated tree with all the presents under it, his children so happy sitting around it and looking through the festively wrapped gifts…and his wife sitting down between them. He was so blessed. This was what Christmas…what all of the holidays were about…

Family.

It was almost perfect.

The rest of his family would be arriving later on, they'd share Christmas dinner together and they'd exchange gifts then as well. Oliver headed to the door and just figured that maybe someone had decided to come early. He really wouldn't be surprised. With kids, they always seemed to want to be together.

Opening the door, Oliver stared at the man on the other side. He was familiar, but at the same time…he wasn't. He was all smiles, a santa hat, and a really festive reindeer sweater. "Uh—"

"Today's definitely not the day to pretend that you don't remember who I am," he told Oliver. "It wouldn't hurt you to say 'Hi Nick' one time!" He wasn't upset though and held up a drink carrier with coffees. "You guys still like coffee, right?" Nick didn't even wait for his response and let himself in. "Merry Christmas everyone!"

Oliver turned around and watched Nick as he closed the door. From somewhere, Nick had produced a couple of gifts to the kids and handed one of the coffees to Felicity. He watched as the kids seemed so excited to see Nick there and Felicity talked to him like he was her best friend. He started to walk towards them when a picture caught his eye.

On the wall was pictures of their family. There was a picture of his parents, himself, and Thea; then next to it in the same frame was a picture of Walter, his mother, and Thea while he had been on Lian Yu; the final picture was of his mother, Walter, Thea, and him before his mother had been killed. There was another picture of Felicity and her mother when Felicity was about Madelyn's age and then one that had been taken a little over a decade before. The final frame that hung on the wall had a current picture of his family: Felicity, Tommy, Madelyn, and him. Below that on that same frame was a picture of their family plus John's family…plus Thea's family…plus Walter… For a moment, in that rather large picture…he saw Nick…but when he blinked…he was gone.

Turning, he looked back to the tree to find Madelyn in Felicity's lap as they laughed while Tommy did some kind of weird dance. This was his family…this was what he remembered that at a time he thought he could never have. This was what made life worth living for…

"Oliver?"

His attention snapped to Felicity. "Are you okay?"

Madelyn moved from Felicity's lap and ran to him, launching herself at him. Oliver picked her up, even at six she still seemed to weigh nothing to him. His smile turned quickly into a grin as he took in each one of them. "I'm MORE than okay… Today's perfect."

"Daddy, I get to open the first present, right?"

"Yes."

* * *

**Christmas 2014**

"Felicity…"

The sound of his voice was almost foreign to his own ears. It was still dark, but there was a dim light. It was VERY dim. It was only enough to illuminate the shadow that was hovering over him. He was dead, wasn't he? If he was dead, then why was he in so much pain? Oliver knew that if there was a Heaven and Hell that with all of the blood in his ledger that he definitely belonged in the latter of the two. He'd tried his best to make amends, but maybe it just wasn't enough.

"Where?"

"Don't speak now, Son."

"Home…"

"Soon," the voice whispered. "Soon."

"Thea…"

"She's safe," the voice promised.

"Felicity…"

"She's safe," the voice promised. There was a large pause before he whispered, "For now…"

If he was alive, then he needed to fight to get home. Oliver couldn't just die there… He had told himself that he was okay if he had died there by Ra's' hand…but really…he wanted to go home. Oliver wanted to hug his sister and be there to protect her…he had to go home to tell Felicity that he loved her again, to hold her in his arms and kiss her, and to prove to her that he was willing to figure it out and make it work with her.

That she was worth it.

Felicity was more than worth it.

He had to go home.

Soon.

* * *

The End.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**__ There's actually a Felicity POV bit that's in addition to this, like a second chapter but because of content...it's only on AO3._


End file.
